Happy Father's Day…

Father’s Day is tomorrow. I hope you have been blessed with a good father. I googled some father’s day quotes and then felt like it was a cop out. Instead I am going to share some memories, copyrighted to my own heart:

I remember walking with you to school. Not my school – but yours. We lived in Peterborough and you were going to Bible College. And just me and you walked to the school. We had no money, which is probably why we didn’t take a cab. And it was a long walk. And very cold. But when we got there you bought me a treat. Maybe not a big deal to anyone else but since our snack night was only on Friday’s getting one during the week was pretty huge.

I remember leaving my dirty kleenex on my kitchen chair and you said, “Whose snot rag is this?” I laughed hysterical. I’d never heard you say the word ‘snot’ before and it was pretty much the funniest thing I’d ever heard. And if you knew how bad my allergies were… it was indeed a snot rag.

I remember when we were moving to Iroquois Falls. I had no idea what was happening. You were going to pastor your first church. I was maybe 8 or so. I had made a friend at the end of the school year who didn’t speak a lick of English. Her name was Ola and she had just moved from Poland. I was desperate to have a playdate with her and in the middle of packing and moving you drove me to wherever she lived, so I could play with a girl I could not understand. I also remember telling people that I was moving to Iroquois Falls and they would say, “Where’s that?’ And since I’d heard you and mom give this answer I offered the same one: ‘It’s near Timmins.’ People would generally know what I was talking about and I started wondering who this famous Timmin’s family was that everyone seemed to know so much about…

I remember you preaching about the Gentiles and how they were circumcised… and then questioning you later because I thought it was the genitals that were circumcised.

I remember the pinky waves just for you from the stage of any school performance.

I remember when I was 15 you were preaching in Dresden. I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t listening to a word you were saying. I was probably eating the penny candy that I would sneak away to the store and buy before the service began. But at some point you became emotional during your sermon and you started to weep. I still to this day do not know what you were talking about but I remember needing kleenex because the sight of my daddy crying before his congregation was more than I could bear.

I remember the awkward silence in church after you read the bulletin bloopers… “I upped my tithing amount – now Up Yours!”  I was laughing on the inside. And then on the outside later in your office!

I remember when I first got my driver’s license and I came upstairs one morning to see if you or mom could drive me and you both said no. And then I asked if you expected me to walk and you said no. Stay home from school? No. I remember getting frustrated and not knowing where this game was going because I had no idea I was going to get to drive the car to school all by myself. Imagine how cool I was: 17 years old driving the blue K-car.

The same car you lent me to pick up random people I would meet and invite to church. The same car that you picked me up with after my missions trip to Belize (or was that the van)… no matter, I remember talking pretty much non-stop the whole way home until we put in the Integrity’s Hosanna Worship tape then we sang and cried the rest of the way. (Your steadfast Love…)

I remember singing Father’s Eyes to you for Father’s Day. And then Wind Beneath My Wings another Father’s Day. And at one point I turned around to look at you on the platform and started bawling my eyes out (shocker) because I really did love you that much.

And I still do.

I remember coming to visit you after I was raped. I remember not wanting to come because I felt gross and disgusting and worthless. And you made me come to see you anyway… I think you even guilted me into it (using the kids is always the trump card). And you just let me wander around the house and you waited for me to open up and talk. You respected that I didn’t want to be touched but you stood there with your arms open and what could I do? And you would sigh that pained sigh that I know means you don’t like to see me in pain and you patted me on the back in your awkward loving way.

But more than all of these things Daddy… I remember the love you instilled in me for my Heavenly Father. How after all the hurt and pain I’ve been through you always reminded me to Look to Jesus. You have always been there cheering me on, in the good and the bad and you have always reminded me of my biggest Fan… the One who weeps with me, rejoices over me, is jealous for me…

Thanks Daddy. I love you.

Happy Father’s Day.

I may not be every mother’s dream for her little girl.
And my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world.
But that’s all right as long as I can have one wish I pray.
When people look inside my life, I want to hear them say.

CHORUS:
She’s got her Father’s eyes, her Father’s eyes
Eyes that find the good in things, When good is not around.
Eyes that find the source of help, When help just can’t be found.
Eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain.
Knowin’ what you’re going through, and feeling it the same.
Just like my Father’s eyes, my Father’s eyes, my Father’s eyes
Just like my Father’s eyes.

And on that day when we will pay for all the deeds we have done,
Good and bad they’ll all be had to see by everyone
And when you’re called to stand and tell just what you saw in me,
More than anything I know, I want your words to be

CHORUS:
She’s got her Father’s eyes, her Father’s eyes
Eyes that find the good in things, When good is not around.
Eyes that find the source of help, When help just can’t be found.
Eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain.
Knowin’ what you’re going through, and feeling it the same.
Just like my Father’s eyes, my Father’s eyes, my Father’s eyes
Just like my Father’s eyes.